Little in the lives of the students at Our Lady of Grace School plays itself out simply. Normalcy takes on a completely different definition among young men and women who have seen genocide, political violence, lost all the people they loved and never knew anything but poverty. The path to adult hood and the formation of our religious beliefs factors greatly in the shape of our lives and our personhood. Many of us in the United States grow up in a particular faith and, for the most part, remain at least loosely tied to that faith for the duration of our lives. Although some of us go through conversion experiences and others lose their faith, the circumstances of our religious and personal construction tend to be relatively controlled and non traumatic. I do not intend to take anything away from anyone's personal situation nor am do I intend to make this a contest but what I hear on a daily basis from the students here tells a story altogether different form what I have ever heard. We hear these kinds of stories in books and from time to time on the news but to hear them with my own ears adds brings them to life and makes them more than just a story. It is someones life.
A few days ago, I was sitting in a class room with a student from Southern Sudan. In the middle of our idle banter, he paused for a moment, his facial expression became calm and focussed and he said in a serious and somewhat somber tone that he wanted to tell me something. To be honest I was a bit surprised. I have grown to know this student very well and a smile rarely ceases to leave his face. I told him I was all ears and he began to explain. He was born in Southern Sudan and baptized Catholic and received First Communion and Confirmation. He remembers going to Mass with his family and living a normal faith life. But war erupted and he and his family had to move constantly to avoid violence and persecution. During the time his family constantly moved, he was unable to attend Mass or really practice his faith in any sort of way. "We always had to be careful and hide our religion," he said looking down at his feet, "The only reason I was safe was because I was so young." for as long as he can remember his faith was something that he had to keep quiet. Professing his faith could get him or his family thrown in prison or killed. He refused to learn Arabic because he knew that if he did it would be easier for them to force him to convert. He said he saw people being forced to convert at gun point, "They held a gun to your head and told you to convert. Some did and others refused to renounce their faith and were shot. I do not know what I would have done." When the Muslim radicals came to any village, the first thing they did was take over the Christian Churches and convert them to jails where they tortured and killed prisoners. These were not senseless acts of violence. They preformed torture and executions in Churches so that people associated Christian Churches with torture and death.
Eventually, my friend and his family moved to the city of Kanga. There, with the support of his brother in the U.S, he was able to start school again. But, he had to learn Arabic. He contacted his brother and told him he would not learn their language, he did not want to be forced to convert or be killed. His brother agreed and found a way to get him to his other brother who was studying in Nairobi.
For as long as he can remember until 2005, the year he arrived in Kenya, he had never had the opportunity to freely and openly practice his religion. In Nairobi he was placed in an Anglican school and experienced religious freedom for the first time. He was in shock, "I had not known God for so long. I mean I believed in Him, but I had not spoken to him or really prayed in so long that I lost touch with Him." Now, he was just happy to be able to say that he was a Christian. He took to the Anglican brothers at the school and worshiped with them for a number of years. He began to consider himself an Anglican and was proud of it. In 2009, his brother told him that he had found a school in Kisumu for him to finish his last two years of high school in. When he arrived and realized that Our Lady of Grace School was a Catholic school, he remembered the faith he was baptized in so many years ago and thought, "Now what God."
For the past two years he has prayed and listened for what God wants him to do next. He said that he believes in the doctrines of the Catholic Church but is not ready to receive communion again and come fully back to the Church. He is taking it one step at a time. He has faith that he will know when God wants him to receive communion again. For the time being he respects the Eucharist, participates in Mass and prays. Once he makes his decision he will stick with it but he must make it freely. After years of fearing forced conversion, he wants his reversion to be a completely free choice. His face has brightened since he first began and his scrunched faces, profuse head shaking, quick out bursts of laughter, sweeping hand gestures and plenty of high fives and hand shakes have returned. He still communicates a slight sense of confusion but the decision he now faces is a mere hill compared to the mountains he climbed to come to this point. Even though the pains of his past weigh heavy on his heart, his joy and faith that God will shepherd him down the right path give him strength.
As I have learned from so many of the students here, if we want to make something of our lives, to climb out of the mire of depression, anger and self-pity we must simply decide to be happy. We must chose to learn from our difficulties and keep marching forward, endure. This man from the Sudan is an incredible man. He survived violent attacks on his faith, lost connection with God and bouts of confusion but through all things, he will endure. He will be happy and will never abandon his faith.
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